Being sensible to sensitivity!!!

I do not like to give "bhaav"(attention) to certain situations and/or people which I think do not really deserve. This may sound callous. Anybody who hears me saying this would think I am cold-blooded. But my point is, if you go on sympathizing a person for every small fall, you would contribute more to his weakness. Instead empathize and on empathizing, if you think there is a need for sympathy, then do "feel".

That was just a thought that came up during one of the tea-time conversations. And that wasn't what I came here for. I wanted to talk a little about being sensitive; not little, rather shout my mind out on it.
Some people have a dis proportionality in sensitive temperament. Let’s not deal with the case of HSP(Highly Sensitive People) disorder, that’s a physician's task. My question here is what amount of sensitivity is obligatory in normal life? To me, sensitivity is being quite receptive to every move happening around us. While being sensitive is regarded good, why do people not see it in right light? While in a conversation, to a sensitive person, even a brief pause creates an emotional overload. This small act may probe in 100 questions leaving the mind disturbed. The person starts his introspection of every word that he uttered, every pause that he gave in the conversation to analyze what would have made the other person take a break. And if the other isn’t sensitive and not sensible to sensitivity, he would have just got away from the conversation as he may have not had much to speak and no hard feelings there. As simple as that. The sensitive person would have strained his brain(should I say mind?) for no "real" reason! Such people are the thinkers, the cautious ones who think before and after they talk, who think about what they talk and what others do too.

It’s true that sensitive people pick-up on subtleties that non-sensitive people are not reflective to. While this turns out to be advantageous at situations it can be mess brewing too. Sensitive people tend to feel the energy of others, they have a preparedness to future events and have a solution to almost everything. Their emotions get the best out of them when they are with other sensitive lot. But in a crew of non-sensitive people they feel misplaced. Besides all their traits they also have an expectation from others to be sensitive towards them, not be very impulsive, take a minute, empathize and act.

It isn’t so easy to "fix" either natures. As the word goes, it’s the innate nature of a person to be either sensitive or not. A little maturity and detachment is what it needs for a sensitive person to avoid sweating on small stuffs, be more discipline with emotions and more rational. The non-sensitive lot have to know, sometimes emotions get responded better than logic. Acknowledge emotions. At times, do read the unwritten, hear the unspoken, feel the unshown; Avoid blaming a sensitive person for his/her mood, give him/her time to deal with, back with your affectionate shoulder if you can. That’s all it takes! It isn’t fake or superficial, it’s just a way of showing what you feel and feeling what you show.

I understand being sensitive is not same as being emotional, but they are woven intimately. Being sensitive or sensible does not help. Being “sensible to sensitivity” is the mantra!

Having spoken so much, I am a misfit to either natures. I am one who doesn’t give superfluous attention to things that do not qualify to be attended to and at the same time highly sensitive :P

aah .. ok... just let go!

How many times have you faced the un-noticed, ignored, invisible "YOU" behind actions that to your part may seem reasons to be acknowledged?  How many of these times have you just shrugged with a "let go" thing instead of making the other person know your want for acknowledgement?

My recent posts are trending more towards behavioral pattern. No! I am not doing any management program. My blog just happens to be in that phase now!

Well, to be on point, is it wrong to expect acknowledgement? Personally I don’t think it’s any wrong and I for one do expect it in lot – enough feedback, compliment and goody goody words make me feel good. I don’t see those words as formality factors. "Hey good job", "well done", "Nice, I liked it" blah blah.. are motivational verbs to me and its just a way to get to know what the other person felt about my action. It may seem “ceremonial”  to some people, but ask me – I would say I do care for the other person and sincerely would like to know if he/she liked what I did.

On the flipside, only when acknowledged verbally is a “done thing” felt or received well? - There could be a contrary argument of this kind. “Well, I felt good and satisfied, but after all its you, you aren’t an outsider, I don’t have to thank you or say ‘well done’ for what you did”! - could be the other person’s call!

Does it mean you(I) are much evolved than the rest?

No! You are not being natural, it’s all fake – could be the counter!

Sometimes the counter isn’t wrong either. There are cases when we, to our conscious will know that something could have been done better,  but hear ourselves saying…”Its fine. Decent job” – thats just not to disappoint the other person. Ofcourse we may take time and effort to explain things to him/her later, but there is  this ready - courtesy face all the time! A need to be a good-person to everyone every time!

More questions than opinions or statements! but that’s natural when we deal with any topic that revolves around human behavior –  always as complex as it can get!!!

I guess acknowledging someone for their action is more an emotional need and that’s how our brain handles the emotions. Whether we truly feel the need to acknowledge the other person or not, a bit of it can do good..be it fake too! A lie isn’t a lie if it can perk up a person’s mood and better things.

Also there is no wrong in seeking acknowledgement from people whom you think are imperative. If they aren’t the kind, they will soon become one. “Don’t wait for someone. Show how and you will get it soon!”.

A gentle tap for a job well-done, a “thank you” to a simple act-through can make a huge difference in life!

I meant this and you understood that????

If everyone always agreed on what to call things, then my word would be same as your word, and what my content intended would be mutually understood. Well, while trying to talk about vocabulary problem I guess I have drafted my very first statement with complicated vocabulary. To keep things simple, let me tell you this! When someone asks you - "How are you doing"?, If you reply with, "I am ok", the other person can mean you are just OK and there is something that isn’t keeping you all happy. But on your part ok could mean "Oll Korrect" - everything is in place and that means you are doing good.

The impulsive choice of words to speak the same content differs with people, and the probability of two people using the same word is little. The problem could be one of these - use of same word with multiple meanings, use of different words with same meaning, or variation with your normal usage, well the last case is if the person knows you closely enough to know when you say “OK” - it means you are stiff; “okay” – only official, no personal favours please; When it’s an  “ok” - there’s no meaning beyond just ok, “k” - you are indeed busy and when you type an “Okie” - your mood is really light(ofcourse this is just my experience with my close chat-associates).

"I meant this and you understood this". - Do we not end up spending extra hours on small things which could have otherwise been avoided? By the time the two people in conversation come to a degree of consensus, friction, argument and many more would have had their unhesitant journey inbetween. But how to avoid this vocabulary problem? How to mean or convey something in a way the other person understands or atleast doesn’t misunderstand.

In most cases the problem lies with us than with the other person involved in the conversation. Sometimes our words deceive our action. When we say "ok", "fine", "go ahead" - we actually mean the opposite of it. Let’s put our thoughts in words - as frank as we want them to mean and not give space for assumption. Empathy is probably an alternative solution. We should assume that the other person doesn’t have one and that we have it in lots and give freely. When we say something to the other person, let’s be at the receiving end and perceive, if in the context our usage of the word makes right sense? Another thing that spots on is, with too many things on hand and mind, we tend to be discrete..and answer in points. We often forget we are humans and we have adequate senses. Why don’t we just say, "hey thanks. I am doing ok, how are you " - this would avoid people from interpreting us differently for we would’ve spoken out every word and leave nothing to assume instead of just “I am ok”.

It’s also possible that a person’s meaning or interpretation of a word depends on the region and environment he is from. While that’s one part of it, even among two close people within a family, simple statements can get misunderstood. That’s because everyone who involves in a conversation is a person and not a machine. Each will have his own belief, opinion, experience on every word that he utters. It’s the context he is familiar with and the word-usage that he is used to, he uses with/on you. So, when we see the person behind the word we will avoid most of the mis-interpretation.

This isn’t an exception with official communication. When its personal and/or emotional, an after word could  atleast solve issues springing from mis-communication. Think about those words that can make or break a deal in business. There’s no chance for a second explanation. Many a times the clients would be from a different geographical zone and although we may share the same official language, there could be a regional tinge which could make same words mean different to the two parties. Here is where a need to understand  the person’s meaning of a word and use the same/similar one while communicating with him to avoid mystification.

Well, if we don’t interpret, much of the problem gets solved; but interpretation is the basis of communication.

You need to interpret what’s on your mind and put it across. And I need to interpret your words as I listen and take action. But let my action not be to point fingers at you.

Lo! Vocabulary problem doesn’t have a solution. Hope it fades with our efforts:)

No time, no patience and no time for patience!

This morning I saw a little boy with his father on his way to school. The most simple word that can be used to describe the scene would still look complicated in front of the simple, unassuming sight that I saw. The father was taking his boy on a 2-wheeler, I cannot name the vehicle. It seemed smaller than a luna, resembled a bicycle but was motor driven. In the middle of the road the vehicle had a break-down. Neither the father nor the little boy showed any sigh of frustration. Instead he got down and started pushing his motor-driven-cycle with the boy still sitting on it. The boy seemed to enjoy this more than when the father ran(rode) the vehicle. The smile on the boy's face sought a smile from the father. They reflected a low-economy lot, but the smiles on their faces were worth a million.

Well, I am not mincing words to articulate what I saw. This exactly is the description of what my retina captured. How many working fathers today have time and patience with their kids like the one I did see?

With money, sophistication, hyped life styles where do we take life simple? We see many parents growing wild waiting for their kids' school bus if it doesn’t come on time. Don’t we lose patience while waiting for our office cab? We have no patience at work, no patience back at home, no time for self, absolutely no time for others.

Over the space of a decade, and across many work-styles and workplaces, no matter how many time-saving tools have come up, people just keep getting busier.  No time for even things we like doing. You wish to pick a gift for your best friend; though you like shopping and you would love to hand-pick the special gift for your special friend, you end up shopping online. After a long day at work, people have no time for self and no patience for family. Even a little boy waiting for his parents to be back from office gets the same treatment. No interest to cook the food we like and savour it; no mind on the things that once were very close to our hearts; no care towards our own health; no time to spare; no time, no patience and no time for patience! Where is this generation heading????

Adding to the post....

“One morning”

I wish, one morning, the chirping birds wake me

"It’s always me" - yells the alarm bee

I wish, the silvery sun peeps thro the silent window, wish me a happy morning

The screeching cabs across the road sound their horn never fading

I wish, one morning, I wake up to a no-agenda day

The mobile phone beeps a long "TO DO" list in sleep as I still lay

I wish, one morning, the coffee aroma pokes my nostrils while I am still asleep

Lo! The dry coffee machine lies asleep till I fill it with water deep

I wish, one day, just one morning I lead a life unhurried

Tension, anxiety, work, commotion - all masked!!!

Will I get my “one morning”?

Every “you” will wish for an unhurried life away from today’s race. Isn’t it? Am sure you will be able to relate to it!