Book Review : The Silent Raga

Ameen Merchant’s “The Silent Raga” has obsessed me for the last few days. I normally don’t keep a book pending for long. But with this one, I dint want to complete the reading and close the chapter once for all. There was something to look forward to when the book was half-way through. Thoroughly gripping and mesmerizing.

This is yet another woman-centered book like Sudha Murthy’s and other inspirational writers’. But the difference is in the portrayal. Women’s plight, dilemma and obligations in a typical Indian, rather south Indian setting  though dresses the main theme of the novel, the composure and patience that are highlights of an Indian woman are the highlights of the novel too.

The book is loaded with the lives of orthodox families of Tamil Brahmin community layered with details to the extent of prints on a saree, smell of the kitchen, incense of the flowers and everything that’s normally unfelt and unheard. The lady of the story – Janaki’s unhurried posture and self control despite the unhealthy environment around her is the pick of the story. Journey of a Brahmin girl from a teenager to a lady of a Muslim actor is narrated through words – each of it selected with care and appropriate tone. Janaki’s divine passion for music, Zubeida’s(first wife of the muslim actor) determination to live life in spite of her disability, Gayathri chitti’s eczemic characterization, Mallikka’s (Janaki’s younger sister) unrealistic hope of her sister always being there with her to take care, a  father bound by social obligations – a no good moral-support for the family are the attention-grabbers.

Janaki’s muslim husband Asgar is not dealt with as much as his name probes in. The reader never gets a clear sense of Janaki’s emotional relationship with Asgar - the man for whom she embraced all cultural taboos.

It is a worthy goal that the author has achieved – of narrating the often unspoken yet common suffering of Indian women.

My inspiration to pick the book came from the very name. As a raga, the story unfolds slowly, picks up pace and ends leaving behind a mind that’s peace-filled. It’s not the words but the composure of silence that remains even after the story is done-with.

Make or Break!!!

Sakshi lived in a rich home, warm and safe. Her room had the best garden view. She had a driver to take her where she wanted, a cook to prepare a hot meal any time of the day, maids to respond to her much before things were asked for. Like most of us she lived, she worked, drove to her office; She had interesting hobbies to kill time; she was a good reader, she adored music, she  was good with the television. She had an aquarium where she passionately fed the golden fish which was the only chore that she stopped the maids from doing.

She had everything, and also emptiness! She had grown up children who were now enough grown to take responsibility of their own and each others. Over years of relentless work her husband had become  a CEO in a honorable firm. The entire World of IT knew him but she hardly knew her husband anymore. He was forever busy. Working, travelling, conferencing had become more important in his life than his life. Time and work had floated them apart without them realizing it. Her own people had become guests in her life, more living in memories than in real. Did she ever make an attempt to stop by and seek his time and attention? Did she take effort  to make the father more than just a guest in her children’s life? Did she give time for time?  These thoughts disturbed her mind as she disturbed the traffic, driving through the busy city to her office. As her leg landed on the brake pedal of her metallic grey Honda Civic, her mind softly whispered “break”.

 “Break” was the only thing she could find solace in and get out of the mid-life crisis. She needed some time with time to think about her life and what to do with it.

Her cousin owned a holiday cottage in the lush green lands of Kemmangundi. She with her husband had made it their favourite summer camp in the honeymoon years of their wedding. The cottage was surrounded by thick forests and adored a salubrious climate throughout the year. The location was blessed with silver cascades of mountain streams and lush vegetation. The duo often lost themselves in the ornamental gardens and enthralling valley view around the cottage. The very thought of the cottage brought her golden memories. As she sipped her tea standing by the window looking at the sunset, the spectacular sunset at Kemmangundi blurred her mind’s eye. She decided she was going for a break to Kemmangundi.

-----

Anurag got out of the car and stretched. It appeared as if he defined mannerisms. A personality of pride, patience and perspective, with calm confidence on the outside, a burning challenge inside, talk soft-laugh light outlook, responsive, responsible - that was Anurag. It had been a tiring day for him though the day had just half gone yet. He had a bad head-ache by the time he had got here. Rest was the last thing on his mind yet the rumble in his head told a different story altogether. He lead the host of whites who were with him with the most polite and caring gesture possible. It looked as if they were there on a business discussion. After a brief freshen-up they gathered at the corporate lounge that the cottage hosted. The wet, misty weather, and a spot of rain did not disturb the tough business guys. As Anurag continued his discussion, sound of a car from behind nudged him. As he paused, his clients looked at him with confusion while his gaze stuck to a striking woman appear from the car. Sakshi’s wonderful sun kissed complexion was further enhanced golden by the black saree that she draped. She looked stunning. The stern corporate man in Anurag felt as if someone kicked him in the gut. From head-to-toe she looked absolutely stunning. Not just Anurag, anybody’s heart would skip a beat at her. At 40 she had a flawless skin, well manicured fingers, sharp nose, perfect lips, striking eyes. The Coach handbag that she sported on the shoulder kissed by a high-collared blouse, a single diamond stud shining on her ears, deep-black perfect sized dot on her fore-head, straightened hair let loose by the side well reflected the HR profession that she was in for years. 

The cottage manager greeted her, took the bags and led her to her room. The greet brings back Anurag to his discussion. Finishing the meeting with clients, Anurag politely informs them that they could rest for the remaining of the day and meet the next morning.

From his room Anurag silently looks up at Sakshi seated on a lone table at the dining. He sees her sit down quietly, refusing to meet any eye. A closer look helps him notice the melancholy behind the otherwise sparkling eyes, dried lips otherwise rosy, the pale face otherwise bubbling. He observes the trembling hands of the bold and beautiful personality as she gets herself a glass of water. She looked like she needed company and he was disturbed beyond imagination from her very look outside her car. Will she agree? Was this the time for romance? Does it sound decent to escape from the clients and listen to the heart? He dumped these questions aside and made his move.

-----

He ran to the nearby bouquet shop, packed a bunch of lovely roses, picked a card and headed towards Sakshi’s room. He stared at her with a small smile on his lips as she opened the door. "Hello", he said simply, while she stared back at him with mixed emotions. Her fingers clasped into fists to keep them from shaking. Without a word Anurag hands over the red bouquet of love with the card. With hesitation Sakshi opens the card to read "Nice room you have here, do you mind if I join you wifey? Can we get younger by 20 years?”  Love, Anurag!!!

Only for kannada audience : Nara Naanu

Nara Naanu

Ekadashi bittu, dwadashigundu vaividya Naivedya

Nara naanu, muniyalla, ootavonde naa thilidha satya

Kashta bittu, ishta pattu, koothalle kande sowkhya

Nara naanu, iruveyalla, kelasa-dhudime nannadalla, sadhya!

Bhaava bitte, rasane marethe, lowkika jeevana bayasi

Nara naanu, kogileyalla kooralu kombeyadi

Kashtabeda, sukhavonde nannabali irabeku ende

Nara naanu, praaniyalla, panchabhoothagala vashapadisidha thande

Naranemba ankitha bittu berenilla, naa marethe

Nara naanu, nannaththa iruvudhella bari korathe

Random thoughts

I deserve to be expelled from bloggers list for the long sabbaticals I take with no particular reason. Thanks to blogspot and my readers who walk with me. I am here again J

I feel like writing but often feelings dont get reflected in writing well. Not many interesting episodes to key down in the last month. While I really want to write and have started to write, I have not much clue on what to write. So please do not expect much out of this post, unless I switch to some REALLY interesting topic without my intent.

It is 11:16 am precisely, a Wednesday pre-noon. 3 hrs past my entry to office. I see grey cloudy skies thro’ the tinted windows across my cube. Nice weather, not much work, what better can be a time to blog? Still be warned not to expect much out of me today :)

Ok - here I get. Let me talk to you about the happiness funda. Sometimes I get into this self-introspection mode, let me show u a bit of that "ME".

I often repeat these questions to my friends, specially the ladies, - How long(more) do you want to work? Are you such a techie that you work for the satisfaction that it gives? Are you one who doesn’t want to let go the knowledge you have earned investing your father's money and ur time on education? Make big money? Kill time? Well, not sure if I am really interested in knowing their replies, but I do want to see if I am normal like anyone else. So I do ask, for the questions I posted above are my reasons to continue working.

While the other reasons stand justified, "making money" sounds little off-the-shelf, though most % of working people do so to make money, a big one. And the reason that everyone does give is "a pursuit to happiness". Let me not argue for the million population, but speaking for myself, I have never been in a situation where I have felt the want for something. I do have good memory which my mother boasts often. She says I remember times from my childhood which she doesn’t. Well, that shouldn’t make you call me a tale-teller. If I trust my memory, from the age of 3, I have never been disappointed at any point in time with the lifestyle I have had. My father and mother, both worked in decent firms, but I have never heard them discuss their pay in front of us, as kids. Ignorant of what they earned, I always had a pampered life, just a thing line behind getting spoilt. We had our regular goodies, new clothes on every occasion worth mentionable, more-than-needed school/college accessories, cycle, bike and car as we grow with our parents. Whenever someone went out of town, it was a mandate that they get us something. We would not even look at their tired faces as they return back, but constantly gaze at their bags to see what was in store for us. Birthdays demanded 2 pairs of clothes, one for the birth "date" and other for the birth "star" which very rarely coincided. I don’t remember a time when my father and mother refused to give me money when I asked for. Infact they did so before I could go to them. They knew when I needed money to buy books, to treat friends, to go shopping for my personal stuff etc.

And today when I see, I earn fairly more than what my parents earned over years. And it gets better with every passing year. For the moment, it’s just the two of us at home, no major family responsibilities, no 3rd person to share money with, ofcourse we do have the household stuff to be taken care of. Maybe now I buy clothes without reason, buy new bags just because I find them good hanging in front of shop, buy fruits and vegetables and see them getting rotten by days and trash them finally, pay a huge sum for the maid servant, spend just as much on one salwar-suit as I would have spent for 5 earlier. It’s not just me, my parents' lifestyle, on the other hand has changed equally. It’s definitely way better than what it was years earlier. I am not trying to use my blog space to maintain my expense account; the point I am trying to analyze is - is there a better satisfaction quotient with bigger money, bigger and better things, stylish life? While big money allows us to experience the best that life has, it closes our senses to savor life's little pleasures. Money does matter upto a certain phase of life, where one has to worry about the basic luxuries(need is a term long forgotten). Once we have enough to waste on what we want, having more money wouldn’t make a big difference in life. We may afford a vacation in Malaysia, but that wouldn’t buy the happiness that a country side cottage can bring us in India.

SO, let me get back. Why do I work? I hope I am convinced not to say “ make money” J. Easy to say, lets see!!! I might still say I work to make money. But money defining happiness quotient is still debatable!!!

I wish I could see me

When somebody adores me
I wish I could see what’s it in me
When somebody hates me
I wish to comprehend why this me

It is always the same “me”
People arrest diverse personas in "that" me
Like one day, hate yet another
Only makes me wither

Today isn’t like yesterday
Tomorrow, a different way
I do not see what they see
For I know me as ME

Being sensible to sensitivity!!!

I do not like to give "bhaav"(attention) to certain situations and/or people which I think do not really deserve. This may sound callous. Anybody who hears me saying this would think I am cold-blooded. But my point is, if you go on sympathizing a person for every small fall, you would contribute more to his weakness. Instead empathize and on empathizing, if you think there is a need for sympathy, then do "feel".

That was just a thought that came up during one of the tea-time conversations. And that wasn't what I came here for. I wanted to talk a little about being sensitive; not little, rather shout my mind out on it.
Some people have a dis proportionality in sensitive temperament. Let’s not deal with the case of HSP(Highly Sensitive People) disorder, that’s a physician's task. My question here is what amount of sensitivity is obligatory in normal life? To me, sensitivity is being quite receptive to every move happening around us. While being sensitive is regarded good, why do people not see it in right light? While in a conversation, to a sensitive person, even a brief pause creates an emotional overload. This small act may probe in 100 questions leaving the mind disturbed. The person starts his introspection of every word that he uttered, every pause that he gave in the conversation to analyze what would have made the other person take a break. And if the other isn’t sensitive and not sensible to sensitivity, he would have just got away from the conversation as he may have not had much to speak and no hard feelings there. As simple as that. The sensitive person would have strained his brain(should I say mind?) for no "real" reason! Such people are the thinkers, the cautious ones who think before and after they talk, who think about what they talk and what others do too.

It’s true that sensitive people pick-up on subtleties that non-sensitive people are not reflective to. While this turns out to be advantageous at situations it can be mess brewing too. Sensitive people tend to feel the energy of others, they have a preparedness to future events and have a solution to almost everything. Their emotions get the best out of them when they are with other sensitive lot. But in a crew of non-sensitive people they feel misplaced. Besides all their traits they also have an expectation from others to be sensitive towards them, not be very impulsive, take a minute, empathize and act.

It isn’t so easy to "fix" either natures. As the word goes, it’s the innate nature of a person to be either sensitive or not. A little maturity and detachment is what it needs for a sensitive person to avoid sweating on small stuffs, be more discipline with emotions and more rational. The non-sensitive lot have to know, sometimes emotions get responded better than logic. Acknowledge emotions. At times, do read the unwritten, hear the unspoken, feel the unshown; Avoid blaming a sensitive person for his/her mood, give him/her time to deal with, back with your affectionate shoulder if you can. That’s all it takes! It isn’t fake or superficial, it’s just a way of showing what you feel and feeling what you show.

I understand being sensitive is not same as being emotional, but they are woven intimately. Being sensitive or sensible does not help. Being “sensible to sensitivity” is the mantra!

Having spoken so much, I am a misfit to either natures. I am one who doesn’t give superfluous attention to things that do not qualify to be attended to and at the same time highly sensitive :P

aah .. ok... just let go!

How many times have you faced the un-noticed, ignored, invisible "YOU" behind actions that to your part may seem reasons to be acknowledged?  How many of these times have you just shrugged with a "let go" thing instead of making the other person know your want for acknowledgement?

My recent posts are trending more towards behavioral pattern. No! I am not doing any management program. My blog just happens to be in that phase now!

Well, to be on point, is it wrong to expect acknowledgement? Personally I don’t think it’s any wrong and I for one do expect it in lot – enough feedback, compliment and goody goody words make me feel good. I don’t see those words as formality factors. "Hey good job", "well done", "Nice, I liked it" blah blah.. are motivational verbs to me and its just a way to get to know what the other person felt about my action. It may seem “ceremonial”  to some people, but ask me – I would say I do care for the other person and sincerely would like to know if he/she liked what I did.

On the flipside, only when acknowledged verbally is a “done thing” felt or received well? - There could be a contrary argument of this kind. “Well, I felt good and satisfied, but after all its you, you aren’t an outsider, I don’t have to thank you or say ‘well done’ for what you did”! - could be the other person’s call!

Does it mean you(I) are much evolved than the rest?

No! You are not being natural, it’s all fake – could be the counter!

Sometimes the counter isn’t wrong either. There are cases when we, to our conscious will know that something could have been done better,  but hear ourselves saying…”Its fine. Decent job” – thats just not to disappoint the other person. Ofcourse we may take time and effort to explain things to him/her later, but there is  this ready - courtesy face all the time! A need to be a good-person to everyone every time!

More questions than opinions or statements! but that’s natural when we deal with any topic that revolves around human behavior –  always as complex as it can get!!!

I guess acknowledging someone for their action is more an emotional need and that’s how our brain handles the emotions. Whether we truly feel the need to acknowledge the other person or not, a bit of it can do good..be it fake too! A lie isn’t a lie if it can perk up a person’s mood and better things.

Also there is no wrong in seeking acknowledgement from people whom you think are imperative. If they aren’t the kind, they will soon become one. “Don’t wait for someone. Show how and you will get it soon!”.

A gentle tap for a job well-done, a “thank you” to a simple act-through can make a huge difference in life!