Dependency

“Hey did u file the IT returns of your daughter” asked my father’s friend. His son is on a long term onsite and the father is left behind to fill the application, collect Form 16, forge the signature and all that’s expected from the candidate. After this call ended, a sequel started and picked up, hooked on to an argument at home between my father and his brother.
Why should the kids be dependent on parents even at their age of financial independence? Was my Uncle’s argument and my father took a different stand saying, a kid remains a kid as long as either of them stay alive.

The argument left me pondering. As a kid, all of us grow up with instructions from parents - brush your teeth, pick your bag, tie your lace, this course suits you, go for it; buy the gladiator bike, though it isn’t with the trend, it gives you more mileage – yes all of us would have got showers of these and oodles more. Do we call this enslavement or codependency to keep an order in relationship?

A child is forced to comply by the decisions and instructions of its parents. Our parents literally carry us to the kindergarten. While in the middle school, they take us by hand, in high school and pre-college, they decide the academic course suitable for us. At every stage, there is a reliance of the kids on parents. These subtle responsibilities and order-obedience mode is necessary to bind the two in this relationship. But this gradually fades away as we grow up into an adult and pose self-reliant.

As grown-ups too we can be dependent on parents on many matters - What it wrong? Personally, my father handles my finance and tax details. It isn’t a big burden nor am I lazy to do it myself. I enjoy this dependency, so does my father. There are various other ways for us kids to return back our parents’ due. How much ever we do, we will be indebted to them for our entire life!!

While breaking free the chains of dependency is a good thing, maintaining a delicate dependency on parents, even as a grown-up is an essential aspect to fasten this child-parent bond.

"Dad, why don’t you help me verify the BDA site’s documents" – do you think you are taxing him? Absolutely Not – he will be happy that you are using his experience and maturity in handling things.
"Dad, I’ll get a printout of both our IT forms, lets sit and fill them together."
"Mom, please select me a saree for my friend’s marriage"

Man! I tell you, they never consider this a saddle. Instead they will be happy that even as a grown-up you value them. This is exactly what is needed in this relationship.

Quoting the well acknowledged,
"If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people."

- There is dependency whether we like and acknowledge or not! Why shy away from exhibiting :)